Round 5

I am so tired.

Chemo #5 went pretty smoothly. It felt like it flew by, but I think it was because I was asleep the whole time. It was my last treatment in Athens. The nurses said they would miss me because I’m always laughing and I have “sassy hair.” My blood counts were lower than usual though. Maybe that explains why I’m so hot and dizzy all the time. But, no problems with my port this time. Yes!

I’m not sure if I’ll miss getting treatments in Athens. They don’t allow visitors. My nurses were nice though. I didn’t really get to know many of the other patients because they were all so much older. We all kept to ourselves, except that one loud, obnoxious dude. Maybe there will be younger people at my new cancer center. But, that’s kind of sad… more young, cancer patients. Who wishes for that? Me! I want a friend…

I felt so tired afterward. I had been in the hospital with my dad for the past ten days before my treatment. He was doing well recovering at home until yesterday. He started vomiting a lot so I took him back to the ER this morning. He’s in the ICU now. They’re trying to get his pancreas inflammation under control… again. He’s got 3 IVs in him! That’s crazy…. and gross. I hate medical things. Hopefully, he’ll be out in a couple days and not another 10. Fingers crossed.

My friend, Tariq, and I improvised some plans for the 4th of July. We went to the park to watch our town’s 3rd of July celebration. On the 4th, we had dinner at Tokyo Bay for my boo’s (Christine’s) birthday. It rained that night, so I just stayed home… on my favorite holiday of the year.

This post is all over the place. I blame chemo brain.

This is also my last week in Athens. I’ve got the moving truck reserved for this Sunday… and no one to drive it. I don’t know how I’m going to move… I have a crew in Athens ready to help. I’ve got a crew in Kennesaw ready to help. But, how to move the things from Athens to Kennesaw…? I’ll be driving my car full of stuff. And even if I did drive the truck, I’d need someone to drive me back to Athens to get my car. I’m just thinking out loud because I don’t know what to do. Help me. I’m so tired.

I think the side effects are getting worse and worse. Or maybe it’s because I’m stressed with my dad being in the hospital, having to move, and other work that I volunteered for. My body hurts so much… everywhere. My mother wanted to go to the mall last weekend, so I drove her and my grandmother to go shopping and left my dad to rest quietly at home. I was moving so slowly. My legs hurt so badly. And I was getting light headed just walking around.

My taste buds are changing. Everything tastes like crap, even my beloved mac and cheese. I tried! It makes me not want to eat anything. My skin is getting so dry. And my mouth. And my fingernails look disgusting, like they’re rotting. I told my sister I’m killing myself to save myself. She said that should be the name of my autobiography. I’m sure it’s already taken though.

I drove straight home after a one hour nap after chemo. My dad had a doctor’s follow up the next morning and no one else could take him. I couldn’t make it the whole way. I stopped halfway and my amazing lil sis, Jessica/Inertia, took me out for dinner. We sat there talking until the restaurant closed and kicked us out. It was great!

My lil bro, Josh/Dumbbell, treated me to dinner this week too. He let me choose So Kong Dong, but I don’t think he even likes tofu soup. My littles are the best. (You too, Anthem!)

I sound fucking crazy right now. Probably because I was at the hospital all day on 4 hours of sleep. Kelsey picked me up from the hospital to take me home on her way home from work. I met my mom at home and she drove us both back to the hospital. I had to test her to see if she knew where she was going. It was so scary. If you know my mother and her driving, you understand.

Our awesome neighbor stopped by yesterday. She said she noticed our grass was getting crazy and that my dad looked really thin. I told her what had been going on so she had her lawn care people take care of our lawn too. How nice!

My cousins sent me a care package. I think my favorite thing in there is this horse hand puppet. He’s so cute! I should name him.

I got my largest medical bill so far. It was for over $3,000. I don’t even think it was for chemo. I think it was for the echo I got back in May before I even started treatment.

I didn’t even bother to organize this post. Now, you can really see how crazy my brain is on chemo. This is how I think. Except, I can’t really remember things. So it takes me longer to type one sentence because I forget what I’m talking about.

Let’s see what pictures I have from the last time I posted.

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Chemo #5 selfie.

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3rd of July beer while waiting for fireworks. I don’t think I’m supposed to drink. But, I self-imposed a 2 beer limit on non-chemo weeks.

I’m so tired. Good night.

~SL

Oh and I just listened to this Kelly Clarkson song that made me feel better. I thought I’d share.

“No one hears silent tears collecting.”

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